Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Day 31

It has been one long month since I last looked at pornography.

My urges for pornography have been strong and growing stronger.

How do I lower my urges?


That is the question...

In truth, I think the issue is that I want to have urges for pornography. If I have urges for pornography then there's a chance I'll give in to pornography and be able to enjoy the pleasure and distraction of it. I enjoy the pleasure and distraction it provides. The duality of this situation is that I have far more motivation and passion towards the important things in my life like my career, my home, my relationships, and bettering myself when I do not look at pornography.

This passion towards life that I have when I'm not zoning out on the computer is worth foregoing the pleasure and distraction of pornography.

However, my desire for the pleasure and distraction of pornography remains.

In order to lower these urges for pornography, I have to develop a strong disinterest in having urges for pornography. This total lack of interest would translate to confidence in living my new lifestyle instead of hanging onto the hope that I'll give in on my resistance of urges and finally enjoy pornography again.

I have to understand that pornography is distracting and pleasurable for a brief moment in time. However, it then takes away my power to live life passionately and to develop a future that I will ultimately be proud of and enjoy far more than what is possible living a life where I'm engulfed in pornography and web browsing.

Even knowing this, I'm still resistant to giving up my hope to being addicted once again.

Why do I want that particular pleasure and distraction that pornography offers?

Ahhh.... You know, it has to do with my desire to be sexual with multiple women.

More on this later.

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