Sunday, May 30, 2010

Day 43 Work, Career, Vacations, and Bikes

Wow, I'm up to 43 days without pornography.

A quick update:

I'm still locked out of the computers in my apartment unless my girlfriend is present.

I'm still having strong urges for pornography occasionally.

I'm thoroughly convinced that I have more energy, motivation, and passion for life now that I don't web browse or look at pornography.

Despite being confident that my life is better without porn, in a weak moment I know that I would cave if given the chance.

Here's whats going on in my life.

Right now I'm working two cafe jobs. One has me working Monday-Friday from 5am to 9:45 or 11 AM. The other has me working weekends and 3 days during the work week.

So basically I work 7 days a week with 3 days being double shifts that start with me waking up at 4:15 AM and ending at 10:30 PM with a 4 hour break in the middle for a nap.

I plan on doing this for a little under a year and saving about $35,000. With that money, I'd like to try to become a day trader.

If I can't get the day trading thing to work out, I may start a cafe with the help of one of my bosses.

If you have read some of my earlier posts, you might know that I'm a cyclist. I ride bikes because the exercise keeps me happy whereas without it, I may slip into depression - which I seem to be naturally disposed to. Thankfully, ever since I started exercising a few years ago, I haven't experienced any strong symptoms of depression.

With my work schedule being crazy at the moment, its hard for me to find the free time to get on the bike or if I do find the time, my feet hurt too much from standing all day. This lack of exercise has made it challenging to keep my head up and be positive.

However, my girlfriend is a sweetheart and shes very encouraging and supportive. Without her help, I wouldn't be able to do what I'm doing right now.

Aside from all this, I have a trip to Europe planned for the fall that I'm excited about. I've never been there before so it'll be an interesting experience.

I'm straining to think of anything else going on in my life....

There is the issue of my desire of to be sexual with women other than my girlfriend.

I seriously contemplated some sort of open relationship with my girlfriend or something because my desires for other women were so strong this past month.

I came to realize that once I reach orgasm, I really do not care at all about other women. My sex drive is crazy until that point at which, I would regret sleeping with anyone other than my girlfriend.

I would still have a really hard time turning down a beautiful woman if she pushed me for sex. Thankfully, I'm not George Clooney so that doesn't happen. I do get a lot of women flirting with me because I work in a cafe but as long as its just flirting - it doesn't drive me too crazy.

I feel like the next step for me is develop a value or code whereby I do not sleep with other women out of respect for myself. Lying and cheating is a life that lacks integrity and I want to be a person of integrity.

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