Monday, April 07, 2008

Reply to some comments

"Pornstudent" posted some comments in response to a post of mine. His comments are shown in black.

1) "Pornography is dissatisfying." If you don't want to look at it, don't. But if you look at it, isn't it satisfying in some way, even if temporarily? We have lots of momentary pleasures that aren't lasting. Wouldn't we think it silly to give up the taste of food, a book, a song, or a TV show because they don't last or because they haven't a "higher meaning."

First off thanks for taking the time to write out your ideas. The way you have pieced this together makes perfect sense. I completely agree with your analogy of pornography being like a "pastime" and I've made comparisons of pornography to television before too.

You make a convincing argument that pornography is not inherently bad or wrong and I believe this is true for a lot of people.

I'm biased and this blog was written often times under the influence of strong emotions so it can come off as a pornography hate site written by a deranged feminist and I admit that. However, if you can see through this bias, you can see that I've already hit on the points you brought up.

This dissatisfaction I have with pornography comes in the form of it's inability to thwart loneliness. Television has the same problem when it's used as a substitute for a social life.

2)"Pornography replaces relationships." If your desire to meet someone is just to have sex with them, then masturbating to porn may take away that desire. But if you really want a relationship, then it doesn't. You still want someone to share your feelings, a joke, a hobby, a passion, and your life with.

This ties in with your latest reply (at the bottom). I'm not looking for just sex and as you pointed out pornography doesn't completely destroy my desire for relationships because it doesn't offer the companionship you outlined. Which brings us to the next point.

3)"Porn destroys my motivation." If porn turned out to be your bliss and satisfied every longing you had, so what? You'd be a happy man.

I think the problem is here. Porn doesn't destroy my motivation because it is my motivation; no, porn is what I do to avoid addressing difficult aspects of my life.

It's like watching television instead of doing homework.

And just as television is not evil just cause people watch it instead of doing homework, pornography is not evil just because I use it instead of addressing deep-seated issues I have with relationships.

People have made the same point about guns forever. Guns aren't evil, people who shoot people with guns are evil.

Thank god we agree on this because I'm not interested at all in debating that argument but I do want to reiterate the fact that just about anything can be used in a negative way.

Smoking, over-eating, gambling, or whatever, everyone has a comfort zone they use to replace a missing element of their life. Some people were raised or at some point in their lives learned to build a support network of friends and family to be their comfort zone and I believe this is one of the healthiest coping strategies out there so I don't feel any of these strategies are a necessary evil.

Look at all the porn and jerk off all you want. After a while you'll get tired of the porn. Go to a bar and meet a woman to have sex with. If you drink, take a taxi (drunk driving is something you really don't want to do). If you don't succeed at one bar, go to another. Do it again. Keep at it. You will meet women who'll want to have all the sex you can imagine. Porn is just another pastime.

Porn gets boring but from my experience, I gain a strong urge for it after about 30 days. Once I look, it gets boring again really fast but getting past urges without looking is a challenge and then even though it's boring it's hard to stop again once I've started.

I just want to say, your outlook on this whole thing is dead on. It's just not dead on for me.

In other words you've described pornography for how it relates to a great many men but I'm of a minority that uses it in a negative way.

As it is right now, I'm using pornography as a comfort zone while I finally try to deal with my issues with friendship and relationships with a therapist and I'm making good progress.

When I get better and I have the types of relationships I want, I'll probably stay clear of porn just because it so strongly represents a substitute for having a satisfying social life. I doubt it will be able to compare to the friendships and relationships I'll have at that time but there's plenty of hobbies out there so who cares about porn...

this turned out long...


  1. Keep at it, man. You and I are in the same situation. We can do it.