Monday, April 14, 2008

Working out friendship issues

The Challenge: Find what values I desire behind making friends so that I can explore my motivation for making friends.

The Example: Here's an example. I want to become a day trader (someone who trades stocks on the stock market) and the value that I desire behind that is freedom. The idea is that once I am skilled enough to make money as a day trader, the money I make and the mobility inherent in being a day trader allows me to travel and do anything I want. That desire for freedom drives me to work hard towards becoming a day trader.

The Solution: Here's what I have so far...

Security - Being a loner or close to it means you have little backup. It's hard to take risks or be consistently happy when a slip up can leave you hurt and helpless.

Love - Love is a value usually associated with relationships but I think this is an unspoken truth behind any male friendship. Love is just caring about someone and having compassion and sympathy for them. Real friendship has that quality to it and I think that's the main value behind my desire to make friends.

I want to make friends so that someone's got my back but more importantly I want to share my interests with other guys and have fun. I think that bond can be described by the value of love despite the fact that I'd never call it that in front of a guy.

I feel uneasy admitting that I want a bond with another guy because it's very easy to feel homophobic but at the same time I know that's just fear.

What I can't decide is whether that is all there is to it. Love and security? Am I missing something? And if it is just love and security, where do I go with that to increase my desire to make friends that I may blast through the resistance I have towards making friends?

To be continued...

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