I looked at porn, My 3rd attempt is over

On day 31, I looked at porn. The most important thing to talk about is what I learned about this mistake.

The cause was obviously stress. I had just got back some grades for some papers and tests and they are discouraging. I've been facing some motivation issues this quarter and to get negative feedback from classes is really stressful.

I feel deep down that I don't want to be at college. Not because I don't like it... I love it here, except for the classwork. The classes I'm taking don't interest me and I feel I'm wasting time that I could be spending building a career. I want to go into investing and I don't need a degree to do it so I feel I'm fulfilling an obligation in place of pursuing my dream.

Dealing with this issue is important but more important to quitting porn I must find a new way of dealing with stress.

Here's exactly what went down.

1. I became aware of an inner conflict of great importance to me.

2. I felt a great deal of stress. At first I handled things quite well by being aware of it and trying to express my anger and guilt and sadness involved around the issue. However, my methods were inadequate.

3. I slowly, over the course of a few hours of tossing in bed convinced myself that it was okay to look at porn. I did this because I felt a great need to hide from the problem by distracting myself. With no way to relieve the stress, I looked at porn in order to escape the pain.

So I must think of ways to relieve stress. Over the next 3 days, I am going to look up one method of relieving stress each day, think about how to implement it into my life, and then post about it.