Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Day 59

The benefits of having high testosterone:

1. MORE ENERGY!!1!!

2. Increased intensity of emotions. When I feel hopeful, I feel REALLY hopeful. When I feel desire, I feel REAL desire. When I feel empowered, I feel ALL POWERFUL.

3. When I'm angry, I express myself and resolve it because there's too much to hide away.

The drawbacks of having high testosterone:

1. See number 2 above.... I almost feel bipolar when something angers me or makes me sad cause it's just such a powerful feeling. Thanks to my strategies for breaking states and reframing, I can get over it rather quickly and then resolve whatever caused the anger.

on that note... my method for resolving issues right now revolves around this stuff I learned in a book I've probably already mentioned.

1. Being in the present and not judging
2. Enthusiastically giving and receiving (wishing everyone I meet joy, happiness, and laughter)
3. Being aware of my choices in the present, choosing choices that benefit me and the people around me and being assertive based on my intuition.
4. Practicing acceptance, taking responsibility (not blaming anybody or anything), not being rigidly attached to any opinion
5. Stating my desires during meditation and not worrying about whether they will occur
6. Being completely detached from outcomes, accepting that uncertainty is a necessary ingredient for growth, being open to an infinity of choices
7. lovingly nurturing myself, being aware of my talents, serving humanity with my unique talents

Now I haven't by any means adopted these 7 laws but I'm doing my best to. Anytime I catch myself upset, I ask myself if what I'm thinking about fits within these laws (it never does) and so far that's helped me feel grounded and centered.



Beyond all that, not masturbating makes you horny ... and ive spent most of life seeing that as a problem but its time I change my point of view. being horny isn't a bad thing. Being horny is what youth is all about.

But why would I want to be desperate?

Naw, that's not what I'm getting at. I know I've had that confused for awhile.

Being desperate is being horny and not believing you can do anything about it. If you're horny and you believe STRONGLY (I'm talking the religious-extremist kinda belief) that you are sexy and you can attract and have sex with women you're attracted to, that's what being a man is all about. You could probably say the same thing vise versa for being a woman.

Anyways I gotta workout and stuff.

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