Day 56

Happy New Years!

I've made so many changes since I started this blog, even more this past week, and I have plenty more made up for this coming year.

I feel so passionate about life since I've stopped masturbating (or at least cut back).

When you have behaviors that work against yourself, like beating yourself up, pefectionism, guilt-tripping, etc. ..... having a heightened sex drive and thus more energy makes life so frustrating. This is why I felt so much anger and frustration when I first began cutting back on pornography and then again with not masturbating so much.

Yeah it felt bad to stop masturbating and looking at porn but it also served to reveal these behaviors so that I could begin looking for solutions to them.

I haven't found all the answers but I know that they are all out there and that they aren't that hard to find. It all comes down to having the desire to change.

It's through making these changes and being knocked away by how different I'm perceiving the world and realizing that people have known these brilliant ideas and concepts (like loving yourself) for so long that I can't help but feel like I'm just a kid learning the life lessons so many kids before me have already learned and so many kids in the future will learn. It's sad that some didn't and some won't but I'm not unique just because I did find and learn these lessons.

If my reality is changing and I can't say that what I was or what I'm changing into is unique to me, where does my identity play into this?

How much of my identity is merely my internal map of reality and how I work with it? The fact that I can change it so easily with NLP makes me believe that there isn't much to my identity except what I percieve is real about myself and the world around me.

"You are what you eat" turns into "you are what you think."

I just googled that and it's been said before.... damn.


In any case, I'm going to end this entry on a positive note. 2007 is going to be the best year ever for some people. For others, it will be the worst. For some it will be the beginning and for others it will be the end.

I've begun though I'm not concerned with the end. I've had a worst of times and a best of times. But most importantly, today I know what I want and some day I'll look back on this and laugh, and hopefully I won't be that hilarious.