Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Day 50

Ugh... I stopped masturbating cause I thought it would create a burning desire in me that would help me break through mental blocks stopping me from asking girls out. Well the desire is definitely there but instead of breaking through the mental blocks, I am grinding against them in a very painful manner.

It seems that I'm putting all kinds of pressure on myself to just talk to girls everywhere and without logically planning anything out I'm just frustrating the hell out of myself. It's like I've declared war on my mental blocks and I'm savagely attacking them in a manner that is inefficient and extremely painful instead of taking strategic, thoughtout actions.

How does this relate to porn addiction? Well it's clear that my sexual energy has changed from being directed towards pornography to being directed towards women. The problem is I don't know how to channel all this energy towards women and that frustrates the hell out of me. Well it frustrates the hell out of a lot of guys and that's probably why they are jerking off while women are wondering where all the "good" men have gone.

I'm determined to figure out how to channel this energy towards women, as we are naturally inclined, and to do this I'm going to be strategic about it. In other words, I'm going to calm my frustrations by masturbating so that I can think without feeling like crap but I'm going to moderate myself so that I retain the desire. At some point I'm goign to take dating a lot more seriously and to do that I will stop masturbating all together but at this point I have a lot of stuff that needs my attention and it's hard to focus when I'm angry at myself for not saying hi to that one girl in the hall this morning... etc. etc.

HURRAY FOR DAY 50... I'm extremely proud of myself.

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