Monday, February 15, 2010

Day 21, this is no fun

I haven't been able to get any exercise for the last week due to being sick. On top of that I feel like I'm going through withdrawal.

I'm having serious anger issues. My tolerance has simply disappeared and I seem to dwell on things that anger me.

I almost got fired from my job for having an argument with a co-worker (both of us almost got fired).

I came very close to quitting because the incident made me so mad.

I decided to play it cool until this week, so that I can get some exercise and see if that clears my head out.

I'm also having trouble falling asleep. I keep dwelling and having cyclical thoughts.

Like I said, I hope exercise sorts this out.

I had a few opportunities to look at pornography this week and I didn't. In those moments, where I had a computer that had access to pornography - the thing that stopped me was I knew that this attempt at quitting is important. I've taken a big step by applying web filters to the computers in my apartment and I feel like... if this fails then nothing will work. That thought is partially true. I can throw my computers out the window but I can't get rid of every computer on earth. If I don't have the ability to abstain from pornography when I'm somewhere outside my home on someone elses computer then what hope do I have?

This issue came up while housesitting for my parents but I succeeded in holding back my temptation for pornography despite the drama of almost getting fired, the discomfort of illness and the huge increase in anger that I've felt recently. This is a major victory but this is no fun.

I hope for sunnier days ahead.

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