Thursday, February 04, 2010

Day 10

nomorep0rn said...

Thanks for your blog. I'll have to look at this k9 thing. I feel weird about a "filter", but if it's just a "log" for me it'll be an effective deterrent. I hope. Just started my blog today about this. Thought you might appreciate some support.

You know I thought the same thing. I thought if I was able to see how many wasted hours each week went into pornography that it would motivate me to stay away but in a weak moment it doesn't.

Filtering is an uncomfortable idea because it means going cold turkey without a chance in the world of relapse. It's extreme. If we were trying to quit smoking, it would be like moving to a part of the world where cigarettes aren't sold.

Filtering is scary because on some level we do NOT want to stop watching pornography. Pornography is a helpful, convenient tool for us to deal with something unpleasant in our lives. So to completely give up control over pornography is to completely rid ourselves of a tool.

Going back to the example of trying to quit smoking. Filtering (without the ability to bypass it) is like moving to a far away country where cigarettes don't exist. Whereas, a lot of the other self-imposed limitations we put on ourselves in order to quit porn is like throwing our pack of cigarettes in the garbage. It is a meaningful gesture but hardly an effective means of keeping it out of our lives.

There are two parts of us in this struggle against pornography. There is the responsible part of us that understands pornography is hampering our progress in this life and there is the part of us that wants to continue to look at pornography.

You can't control which part of you is going to show up at any given time. You may be able to suppress that part of you that wants pornography for a period of time but eventually, in a weak moment, it will come back and you'll be right back in the pornography game.

Look at it this way: the responsible quitter in you is the parent and the pornography user in you is the child. As a parent, you cannot monitor your child all the time. By creating a filter on your computer and giving the password to someone else, you are hiring a baby sitter for that child in you.

I'm telling you this is going to work. I'm okay with the presence of fear while taking the big step as long as the big step is taken.


  1. Nice to meet you. Looks like we're both hard workers (year of the ox) and in Cali... What are the ods...?

    Cigerettes, Porn Filters, and Love: a response.

  2. I have my reading cut out for me ---catching up on your blog. I used to be really into NLP but in a different sense. I had a top-dog labor-relations mediator reinforce the effectiveness of it by explaining how he uses NLP techniques during negotiations. Read a couple of academic books on the subject after that, and still use certain phrase-formation styles that stuck with me.

    I'd originally been exposed to the theory via Ross Jeffries' brand of usage. Can't say I've listened to him or his cronies in a while, but I remember that shit working! Not all of it, but enough of it to make you think twice about discounting it. I didn't really use it very much like he suggested, but I remember being very interested in using NLP to re-condition one's responses to certain situations and to establish rapport.

    You've written a lot. I'll take it in little by little as time permits.

    Glad to make your acquaintance.

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