Tuesday, June 16, 2009

What it takes...

I'm going to start posting again because I've been looking at pornography. Since my last post, however long ago it was, I've looked at porn countless times. I left off making it sound like I was cured but I'm not.

Quitting porn may require consistent attention. I've learned a lot about what drives me towards pornography through this blog and how to prevent urges.

I've read a ton of comments that have showed up on this blog and they are great. However, I want to reinforce how important it is to be aware of the guilt and shame that can come with having an addiction to pornography.

WARNING: The following paragraphs will likely cause you to experience "resistance." Resistance is a sudden feeling of tiredness, a sudden desire to do something else (even as simply as switch to a different website), an impulse to masturbate, or even intense fear. Resistance is your brains last ditch effort to stop you from making a change. We are all resistant to change and your level of resistance will vary depending on how ready and willing you are for change. Try to be aware of this. If you make it through your resistance, your likely to see a change.

I'll tell you up front, shame and guilt are not to be tolerated. Shame and guilt exist in you purely for the purpose to make you look at pornography. They are promoters of pornography disguised as an apology.

We think guilt and shame are "good" because they show people and ourselves that we understand how pornography hurts us and others and they "motivate" us to quit. HOWEVER, really all shame and guilt do is cause us further pain.... Pain that drives us back to hiding from our problems by distracting ourselves with pornography.

Guilt and shame are sneaky means of getting ourselves to look at pornography when we really don't want to and when we know that doing so will hurt other people or ourselves.

I'll tell you something. You can show people that you understand how pornography hurts them by simply saying "I know this addiction hurts you and me" "I understand the pain its causing us and I'm going to do whatever I can to stop."

Secondly, you can motivate yourself to quit pornography by finding the positive outcomes from living a life without pornography. Positive outcomes like:

"I'll have more energy"
"I'll have more motivation"
"I'll have more desire for women (my wife/girlfriend)"
"I'll feel stronger"
"I'll be able to focus on the things I really want"
"I'll finally be able to be the man I really want to be"
"I'll finally prove to myself that I can conquer hurtful habits"

Next time you experience guilt or shame... Tell yourself as strongly as you can: "This shame and guilt hurts me and its trying to get me to look at pornography." No matter what counter-argument you experience (and you will get a counter-argument) just keep telling yourself (training yourself) that shame and guilt simply and directly causes you to look at pornography.

Some of you may find that you really lack any sort of motivation to quit pornography without shame and guilt and in that cause your next course of action is to find reasons to quit aside from relieving yourself of the pain of guilt and shame (AKA those positive outcomes of quitting listed above).

So anyways, I'm back and I look forward to being clean of pornography again.

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