Saturday, November 15, 2008

Day 88

My urges for pornography seem to be declining.

What I've noticed is that I'll having fleeting moments where I think "man it would be fun to look at pornography right now" but then that thought is squashed by a wave of thoughts like "no way, I've come way too far to go back now" "I don't want to start over" "I'm tired of that phase of my life, I'm happy without porn" and many others.

It's become really clear to me that the only time I even get these fleeting urges for pornography are when something is bothering me... I'm lonely, bored, tired, or sad about something and then those thoughts about pornography pop up almost as if to just distract me from whatever bad feelings I'm having.

I hope this is the ultimate decline of my urges for pornography instead of just another phase of low desire before it gets strong again.

I hope it is... When I tell people that I'm clean off pornography, a lot of people say "wow that sucks, why?" or other discouraging stuff but I've gotten to the point where it doesn't even phase me. I know for me, pornography sucks, and that's all that matters.

I went on a date a couple of days ago and it went alright. I did most of the talking cause she was shy which kind of sucked because I ran out of things to say a few times. We didn't kiss which was disappointing.

Day 100 is less than 2 weeks away. I still haven't decided how I will celebrate.

1 comment:

  1. Great to read that your appetite for porn is declining. Congrats!