Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Day 63

I'm starting to face strong urges. This one girl I met and went on two dates with isn't interested in going out anymore... That hurt.

This is about the same time that my 2nd and 3rd best attempts to quit fell apart.

One thing thats really helping is that I've put money on the line.... If I open a pornography page, regardless of whether I actually look at it or whatever, I have to give up $10.

That doesn't seem like a lot of money but when you're working for minimum wage... well.... its a lot of money..

Another thing is that if this attempt fails, I'm forcing myself to get professional help in quitting.

And... I really don't want to go down in flames at this point. It takes a lot of time and effort to go this long without pornography. I mean jesus, its hard to be consistent with ANYTHING for 2 months.

I invited a girl over tonight who I met a long time ago. We'll see how that goes.

I've done relatively well with meeting women lately. I get just as scared as ever when a cute girl is around but I embrace my fear and go talk to her and I just let whatever happens happen... I just let it be. If she likes me, she likes me... If she doesn't like me... she doesn't like me.

I'm not forcing anything. I'm just accepting...


One more thing... In the last 2 weeks I've hit a massive amount of fatigue. I've been working 12 hour days for a few months now and I've been consistently riding my bike and working out on top of stressing my brain over quitting pornography... figuring out my issues with women... and just getting on with life... so it doesn't surprise me that this has happened but nonetheless I'm trying to learn how to relax and let go so I can recover fast.

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