Friday, July 25, 2008

Day 8

I got the following comment on my last post:

"I was just wondering whether you had considered that you are addicted to sex rather than to pornography.

It seems you want to quit pornography so that you can have sex with lots of girls rather than to connect and fall in love.

It seems you are merely substituting one type of sexual simulation for another.

Maybe be you should be trying to quit a sexual addiction rather than simply a pornography addiction"

According to Wikipedia:
"The Mayo Clinic uses [the term] compulsive sexual behavior for sexual addiction, and identifies characteristics of the sex addict as "an overwhelming need for sex and are so intensely preoccupied with this need that it interferes with your job and your relationships."

I don't find this is the case for me. I've heard of other men struggling with pornography to the extend that its affected their relationships and jobs and what have you but not me. I more of a workaholic according to that definition because I spend way more time working when I should be out playing and having fun with people.

I think I triggered this comment by talking about that assignment of going out and imagining sex with the random women I run into during the day.

To some people, that's absurd and they'd never think to do such a thing. And that's fine, I'm not recommending it, I'm just explaining what I'm doing in case anyone else is interested.

I think religious people, in particular, are going to disagree with that exercise and the idea of transitioning sexual desire towards women. A lot of religious people visit this blog because it involves quitting pornography and masturbation to some extent and those are two things that are really important to some religions.

I'm gonna point out that I'm not religious and I'm not quitting porn or masturbation for religious reasons. I believe that it's healthy for a man to have sexual desire towards women he's attracted to. I believe that I feel shame and anxiety about having and expressing feelings of sexual desire towards women and that this has had a negative impact on my life. I think pornography has substituted women for me and that this is unfulfilling and unhealthy.

With regards to having sexual desire for more than one woman... I believe that's natural too and it's up to every man to choose for himself what he wants with his life in the moment.

My perspective is that I'm young and that so long as I'm safe, theres no harm in dating lots of women and getting a feel for what personality I click best with before looking for something more serious.

I'm not interested in one night stands or prostitution or lying or cheating or all the other drama of relationships. I want to have a good time and I want whoever I'm with to have a good time. What's the point of dating if it makes you or other people miserable.

Anyways its been 3 days without masturbation and I don't feel all that horny. I haven't had any desire for pornography today but then again I was busy all day.

I've got work tomorrow and a long bike ride planned for the morning with a friend. I've got to get some sleep in.

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