Monday, July 07, 2008

Day 58 (42 days to go)

This week is going to be tough. I love how much more energy and motivation I have when I don't masturbate. It's like having a fire inside you that pushes you to take action. I'm a lot more aggressive and assertive...

The downside is I'm frustrated, angered, and tense more often.

This is a great time to be doing this though... I just have to watch myself. Sometimes I push myself too hard, so I'm going to take time to relax everyday this week.

I don't have much of an urge for porn. I feel like I'm managing my life somewhat well right now.

I haven't met any new girls in awhile but what the hell it'll happen.

58 days is a long time. I want to point out a few things that's helped me get this far.

1. Desire - I would bet that most men trying to quit porn are motivated by desire to escape some negative consequence of looking at porn. This is avoidance motivation such as trying to quit because you don't want your girlfriend to leave you. Developing positive desire or motivation towards a positive end has made a huge difference for me. Believing that quitting pornography is going to help me achieve goals I want like having beautiful women in my life, doing better at work and being more motivation to work out, exercise, and take care of my body is way better motivation to quit than "oh I hate myself cause I look at pornography, why can't I quit?"

2. Know how to create desire - This is huge. I've learned through a variety of sources that a great way to increase desire is to clear your mind and to then tell yourself in your head what you want in the present tense. If you haven't meditated before you might want to look it up because clearing your mind and gaining awareness is a challenge and it's going to take practice. Once you manage that, if you say something along the lines of "I choose to stop looking at pornography right now" while your mind is calm, it creates motivation on an almost subconscious level to stop looking at pornography.

3. Figure out why your looking at porn - For me it's a loneliness thing primarily. If I feel alone I use pornography to escape my feelings. I've summed up the 4 reasons why I looked for porn in previous posts but I'll mention them again: lack of friends, lack of sex, lack of relaxation, and lack of fun.

4. Slowly work on the reasons why you look at porn - Your reasons might be different than mine, so figure it out for yourself and once you do, take action. Ask people for help.

5. Keep a journal - If I didn't have this blog, I would probably end up looking at pornography for the rest of my life and never gain the motivation to tackle the issues behind it.

3 comments:

  1. Hey Man,
    I just wanted to let you know that you are a huge inspiration. I discovered your blog a few weeks ago (looking for porn, no less), and I've been reading it ever since. Porn is definitely something that I struggle with, although my situation is a little bit different than yours. Ever since I moved out on my own I started looking at porn (I never really had the urge while I lived at home with my parents, oddly enough), and I always thought, "hey, once I find the right girl and settle down and get married I will be able to quell my desire for sexual gratification and I won't look at porn anymore." Well I've been married for about a year and a half now, and unfortunately I still find myself looking at porn every once in a while. I'm not like super addicted; I never download anything, and it's probably only once a week or so, but I've never been able to completely STOP. I suppose I look at porn for different reasons. Mostly when my wife and I get into a fight or for whatever other reason that we aren't able to have sex. Some of it is just curiosity, and sometimes I just like to because I like the rush of "getting away with it." I know part of the solution would be if my wife and I had sex more often, but I don't want to turn to porn every time we run into a roadblock in our marriage. I haven't looked at porn in two weeks now. That is the longest streak I've had in years! I was really tempted to look tonight, but just then I went to your blog, and it definitely helps knowing that I'm not the only one going through the same struggle. I really need to start a blog of my own. I'll let you know when I do. Anyways, congrats on getting through the halfway mark. I hope you and I both can make it 100 days and beyond.
    -Josh

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  2. Yeah, thanks for writing Josh. I completely encourage you to start a blog or a journal... Like I said, I wouldn't be anywhere without this blog.

    I'd like to read your blog if you decide to start one, let me know.

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