Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Day 25

25 days. Hows that for progress? And you know what? It hasn't been just any 25 days.

I dropped out of college for the quarter. I wrote an article about how I was thinking about doing this earlier and you can search for the reasons there because they're already stated.

I've been home for exactly a week. I signed up to a temp agency and I have a job interview tomorrow.

I haven't looked at porn in 25 days and I feel absolutely proud of myself. I feel that I owe most of my success to meditating and stating my intention to quit when my mind is clear. This is a technique I learned from the book "think and grow rich" by Napolean Hill. I recommend it.

To have gone through these last few weeks of change and stress without looking at porn is a sign of strength. You can't take the weekend off or go on vacation from quitting porn. Every day and every hour and every minute is an experience in quitting.

Someone commented on my last post about why I want to quit. I've already said it but its always a benefit to say it again.

Off the top of my head the reasons I want to quit:

1. Pornography is dissatisfying. I look at it when I'm down, when I'm lonely, when I'm scared, and when I'm hurt. It takes those feelings away but only temporarily. After I look at pornography, the feelings come back, and often times I feel even emptier than before.

2. Pornography replaces relationships. I'm not making the argument that pornography destroys relationships; although that does happen. I'm making the argument that pornography reduces my desire to take the risks and put the effort into establishing new relationships. Approaching women is difficult for a lot of men (me included). Looking at pornography reduces my desire to approach women and risk rejection because it destroys my sex drive. Without the desire to satisfy my sex drive, I lose one of my motivations to seek out women. You could argue that masturbation does this too and it does to a degree. From my experience, masturbation should be done in moderation. Do it enough that you don't lose your head but don't do it so much that you lack the sex drive to push yourself to take risks.

Why not just have my needs satisfied by pornography? Because although porn satisfies my need as a man for sex, it doesn't satisfy my needs as a man for affection, attention, and love. No matter how tough you are, you need these things because deep down your a social animal. Social animals need companionship of some form or another in order to survive.

3. Porn destroys my motivation. What do you want to do with your life? What did you dream about when you were a kid? Movie star, fireman, billionaire, or what? I bet it wasn't to be a guy who hunches over a laptop beating off everyday in his tiny, dirty apartment all alone after working some dead-end, meaningless job. I'm exaggerating the circumstances or maybe I'm not in your case but the point is a lot of men aren't doing what they really want to do. They're too scared, they don't believe in themselves, they no longer "care," and if they are looking at pornography every day I don't blame them. Without the strongest compelling force within you, your sex drive, you are nothing more than a guy (not MAN) without intention. You're like a mouse that scrounges for scraps and runs away from everything. Nobody envies this guy. In order to overcome, in order to move forward, in order to face the world, you have to have a burning desire above all else. A man doesn't need to be the smartest, the strongest, or the most confident to succeed. It just needs the right amount of desire.

4. Let's wrap this up. Pornography is instant gratification. Like television, video games and consumerism, pornography doesn't deliver long-lasting satisfaction. It's a distraction. It's a band aid fix for something inside you that hurts or burns. Either you are unsatisfied with your life or your emotionally hurt or both and there is freedom from these challenges but there are no quick fixes. You have to take a rocky path out of this valley with slips and falls and I think this blog is proof of that.

There are more reasons and I could probably write a book on the ones I've already mentioned. The truth is everyone has their own reasons for wanting to quit or not. It's best that you find out what your reasons are and state them. I know that if I were to go with someone elses reasons, like religion, I wouldn't last a day.

That's it for this post, I'll try to post within the next week and talk about any challenges that come up.


  1. dude, please read this site :

    it really enlightened me about my addiction too (which is similar with yours).

  2. Response to the reasons you want to quit looking at porn:

    1) "Pornography is dissatisfying." If you don't want to look at it, don't. But if you look at it, isn't it satisfying in some way, even if temporarily? We have lots of momentary pleasures that aren't lasting. Wouldn't we think it silly to give up the taste of food, a book, a song, or a TV show because they don't last or because they haven't a "higher meaning."

    2)"Pornography replaces relationships." If your desire to meet someone is just to have sex with them, then masturbating to porn may take away that desire. But if you really want a relationship, then it doesn't. You still want someone to share your feelings, a joke, a hobby, a passion, and your life with.

    3)"Porn destroys my motivation." If porn turned out to be your bliss and satisfied every longing you had, so what? You'd be a happy man.

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