Saturday, December 02, 2006

Day 26

I just missed December 1st but whatever.

Some of this may come off as aggressive and normally I try to avoid that but I’m too tired to avoid it at the moment. I do enjoy comments whether they are critical or whatever because I like attempting to justify my point of view.y I try to avoid that but I' productive way.act women is a matter of techniqu

Summaries of some comments from chris are in quotes:

“Do not justify your desire for sex as the higher order of ‘developing character.’ World experience, education, and personal development create character. I would suggest that focusing on who you are, what you want, and what you enjoy doing will go further toward this end than just sleeping around. Girls light up when you tell them you're a Big Brother, or you volunteer at the animal shelter. Being good pays in more ways than one. If your only hobby is picking up women (I hope it is not) you're going to consistently come off as a little desperate, and without standards. If a girl thinks she's just one of many you've asked out that day, she will turn you down, because you've made her feel like a statistic, not a woman who feels.”

Up until recently, my problem has been living a life full of meaningful goals and avoiding women and socializing in general. I have the “who are you, what do you want, and what do you enjoy” covered for now and even so I know its going to change (as does everything) with time. What I lack is the social skills involved with talking to strangers. Although, I’m making progress quickly.

Being “good” is something that impresses older women. Younger girls want someone who is fun (go ahead and downplay that - I’ll ask you if you think its okay that children want to have fun and care not for whats “good” or “bad”). Does that mean I’m gonna turn into a total jerk? No, but some people might perceive me that way. Does that mean I’m going to do stupid stuff? Maybe but there’s nothing wrong with making mistakes within reasonable bounds. Taking the high road and acting older than you are is no better than an older person trying to act young (it’s either about desperately seeking approval or tryin to feel superior to other people because you actually feel inferior).

“Persistance is a true virtue, until it becomes inflexible.”

Persistance, for me, involves failing and trying new things. Being “flexible” about what I want is a form of giving up. Attempting something and changing my approach until I find it works or at least some aspect of it works is how things are accomplished.

“Now, about the sex forums: go back and read how many times you have vowed to quit reading the sex forums. It's been a lot, going back to the beginning. Perhaps, as I said, FLEXIBILITY would be prudent. Unless you hole yourself up in a cave, you are never going to completely avoid stimulating material. It's out there. I don't claim to have all the answers, but if you have really come this far and only indulged in porn one time, you're doing incredibly well. Don't take it to such an extreme that you can't handle it psychologically, because that will only lead to complete failure. You're doing well, allow yourself a bit of freedom -- sexual wiggle room if you will -- rather than imprisoning your urges.

Maybe allow yourself an hour on Sundays and Thursdays to catch up on your forums. Perhaps that's all you need to feel sexually satisfied. That's a victory over addiction in my book.”

I’m quitting the forums for the same reason that I’m quitting porn. It’s time consuming and unnecessary for me to feel good. I’m confident in my ability to recover from my mistakes and learn until I’m able to do this. If I’m wrong and 6 months from now I’m still looking at forums then you can say “I told you so” but I only hope that I’ll be trying new things and finding a way to use my time on this planet in more productive and fulfilling ways regardless.

Speak up if I said something incorrectly or gave a point of view you disagree with.


  1. I don't have anything contrary to say in response. You listen and that's admirable even if you don't always fully agree.

  2. its nice to know i have a reader out there whose listening as well