Saturday, September 23, 2006

Day 25

I keep a journal and in this journal I found an entry where I claimed to have gone 25 days without porn. I was stunned initially until I read on and found "looking at porn doesn't count if I don't orgasm from it."


25 days without porn. I've visited sex related forums occasionally and I'm putting a stop to that here and now.

1 more week and that will make a month. Amazing.

For the last 2-3 weeks I haven't masturbated 5 days out of the week... that's been a serious change compared to doing it once or more a day for most of my "masturbation career." This has made me very vulnerable (to succumbing to porn) on the 5th day where I'm horny as hell but aside from looking at forums this hasn't been too much of a problem. My energy is way up despite the 8 or less hours of sleep I get due to a busy schedule.

I do notice that once I finally masturbate my energy crashes and that it peaks after about 3 days of no masturbation where it then turns to frustration and aggrivation and stress as the days increase further. It's quite stressful to go from tired, to energetic, to stressed, then back to tired again. Not only is it mentally exhausting to be moving through these states (perhaps because I analyze how I'm feeling so much), it also makes getting stuff done more hectic.

I can only imagine that this is the result of a breakdown of my well-developed habits that haven't changed in years. You do something for a long time and then change and it's going to be a bumpy ride.

I wonder why I'm able to quit pornography and reduce my masturbation now and not before... In the year since I decided to quit porn I haven't gone this long. I suppose it's a combination of a lot of things and perhaps it's taken a year to piece them together (and it probably took so long because I wasn't really all that dedicated to quitting until recently).

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