Monday, March 31, 2014

Ok I'm back.

I debated back and forth about posting again and I decided to start up. I've gone 4 days without masturbating/looking at pornography. I decided to do this because I have low energy and drive. I've been medicating myself with pornography for awhile now and I feel numb. I want to feel rejuvenated, ambitious, and confident. After 4 days, I already feel some improvement. In terms of strategy for fighting off urges, I don't have any at the moment. The contrast of feeling numb verses the quick improvement in energy, drive, and assertiveness I've felt in the last 4 days without masturbation is motivation enough to continue. Once the contrast wears off, I'll need something more to avoid falling back into habit. Since quitting, I've noticed how much free time I have. I don't want to stress myself out by filling it with chores and ambitious goals but instead ease myself into fulfilling my potential by doing constructive things that I enjoy like cycling more. I have so many thoughts whirling around in my head. I couldn't sleep well last night and I found myself creating music in my head. I'm not a musician but I could hear different instruments exploring melodies I've never heard before, it was an inspiring moment. I feel creative and lively.

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