Wednesday, June 09, 2010

Broken down at Day 53

AND I KNOW WHY...


I'm disappointed right now but before it went down... I had been trying to stop masturbating all together the last 3-4 days.

I did this because I knew that quitting pornography gave me passion and energy and I figured not masturbating either would add to that.


IT DID but it was almost as if it gave me too much passion and energy to control. I became fixated on sex and that lead to leaving my laptop on, intentionally, as my girlfriend left for work and I caved to pornography.

I feel terrible. Not because I hate myself but because spending hours looking at pornography is very draining.

I plan on telling my girlfriend and continuing to leave the password protection on... We are moving at the end of the month and our new place won't have internet.

THAT will help aid in this struggle to overcome pornography addiction....

53 days is a long time but it felt like ages longer than that.

Moderation and outside help is what got me those 53 days of life without pornography. I've got to remember that as I try again starting now.

I'll leave my computer password protected with only my girlfriend knowing the pass and I'll let myself masturbate with fantasy in order to maintain moderation in my attempt to quit this addiction.

Ultimately it would be great to only have sexual release with my girlfriend but that has led to breaking a 53 day streak without pornography... and if my desires become so strong that I'm willing to cave after that many days of being free... then screw it - I'll be more moderate.

2 comments:

  1. Dont worry try again lol..i wont even stand a week wats more 53 days so its quite something

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