Saturday, May 17, 2008

Day 7 (93 days to go)

So my urges for pornography are gradually increasing but they are still under control.

I can tell that I'm pretty desperate. Last I got laid was December, which is way too long.

I've noticed that I have an issue with being angry at women. I have this fear/hate feeling when a woman shows interest in me. It's very strange.

On the one side, I really want to connect with people and I really want to have sex but then when a woman shows interest in me, I start feeling really fearful and angry towards her and I withdraw.

What the?

I'm going to bring this up and therapy and I try to get an idea of whats going on with that.

I'm going to be moving hopefully within the next 3 weeks out of my parents and into a rented room in the city.

That's all for now.


  1. It's possible you are feeling angry at women because you blame them for your fear. If you can see a woman as being a totally different and separate individual from all the women you've experienced in the past (including those in family, porn, TV, school, work), then there likely won't be a reason for the fear the anger.

  2. Interesting idea. I'll keep that in mind. But it does sound like a band aide fix to go around my anger and fear rather than through it by finding what it is that I'm really angry and fearful about. As a quick fix for the short term, that's a really good idea though. Thanks.