Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Day 38

I masturbated... It came down to me thinking about sex constantly... I think my urges surged cause I'm sick. I bet I could have gone longer if it wasn't for that and I'm gonna try again. Today I want to cram for some finals tomorrow despite the fact that I'm still pretty screwd up.


Here's something that's been floating around in the back of my mind. I've grown up watching pornography. As a result, I developed a sexual interest in things that many consider taboo. Things like anal sex and oral sex are exciting to me and to think that many women aren't interested in these things frustrates me. If I'm not looking at pornography and the women I date aren't interested in these things, my only means of satisfying these desires is through my imagination.

I guess what I'm worried about is once I am having consistent sex, my desire to avoid pornography as a means of motivating myself to pursue women will subside and my desire to look at pornography to satisfy my "taboo" desires will rise as a result of not being sexually satisfied by my partner.

I thinking too far ahead, I can't assume this will happen.

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