Thursday, November 09, 2006

Day 4

Yeah my desire for porn is directly related to how I feel.

If I feel bad = I feel urges to look at porn
If I feel good = I feel no desire to look at porn whatsoever.

Lately I've been thinking of strategies for grounding my emotions. I want to feel confident in my ability to overcome any negative emotions that come up because I will be attempting to be more social. I used to suffer from depression so I have this fear that if I push myself too hard or something bad happens, I'll feel bad and not be able to function for my day-to-day crap like my job and school.

I have it all sorted out and I'm spending this month practicing all these techniques to improve my ability to achieve calmness.

Maybe I'll go into more detail later.


Okay, so in order to calm myself down when I feel bad, I do a couple of things.

First I use the calming techniques I've gathered.

1. I breathe slowly and deeply from the chest
2. I command my eyes to blank out all tension
3. I let go of the tension in my shoulders and body
4. I visualize rivers flowing through my brain and taking all of my thoughts away.

Then, in order to feel better, I get out of my head. What I don't like doing is, when I'm sad, I turn inwards and focus on my bad feelings and on my bad thoughts and it just cycles... stupid. Instead I take the focus off me and put it on other things. The way I do this is I just command myself to stop focusing on myself. I imagine my focus detaching from the top of my head and moving outwards and onto the world around me. This is very powerful. A lot of my sadness comes from runaway negative thoughts.

For instance: I saw that girl I went on a bad date with, immediatly I thought about the bad date, and how I didn't feel I acted very attractively, I thought she hated me or disliked me and wanted to get away from me. Then i felt like this always happens and how all girls think this or that.... the thoughts just kept escalating. this is very stupid and it doesn't have to be this way.

Instead of letting those thoughts ruin my day like they used to, I got out of my head and looked elsewhere for things to occupy my mind.

This is the start of a whole new world for me so long as I keep practicing and applying what I've learned. Every time I apply this, I get closer to having it become natural for me and that is a beautiful thought.

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