Sunday, October 15, 2006

Day 47

Good god am I a jerk. No computer for most of this weekend, and I got a ton of stuff done but I don't remember a time where I've felt so lonely and frustrated.

Let me explain a few things.

I don't watch TV. I quit.
I don't play video games. I quit.
I don't look at pornography. Well at least for the last 47 days.
And now, for the last two days I haven't used the computer.

All that's left is me doing homework all weekend. I tried to go out but nothing came together so it was just me.

And what have I felt spending all this time with nobody but myself? SAD AND ANGRY. This isn't me. This isn't how I feel and yet here it is. Any other weekend before this I would be feeling calm and content but now that I face every part of my day without the distractions of electronics, I FEEL FREE AND SO FAR LOST.

Loving all humanity.
Relinquising my desire to impose my point of view.
Being the role model of a healthy individual......


...and yet, I look at all of this and I think "this can't last, it isn't me...."

I swear I'm gonna overcome this... This is me adjusting to a heightened sex drive. I have a crazy sex drive that's been held back by pornography and masturbation.... NOT ANYMORE. A strong sex drive means a heightened level of desire. and DESIRE my friends is what motivates people to take action. Millionaires and movie stars know this. Brilliant people know this. I may be out of my mind at the moment but I will settle in and regain a sense of control...

I wish I had someone to confide in...


  1. We can see each other again soon, right? You can confide in me then if you want.

  2. I gotta tell you that at this point in your blog I think you're in trouble. Your posts are noticeably angrier. It seems you have taken those withdrawal symptoms and heightened testosterone and started altering the foundations of your lifestyle. You're trying to do too much at once and it's kind of messing you up. Sorry I didn't get to read the blog earlier and give you some advice. Beating an addiction when you're an emotional wreck cannot work.

    Porn Forgotten